These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

Better Than Crisp Bread Flax Cracker

Better Than Crisp Bread Flax Cracker


2 Tbsp flax seed meal
2 Tbsp water
spices to taste (optional)

In a bowl, mix flax seed meal with water and spices (I use a fork). Let rest 2-3 minutes.

On a piece of parchment, press and gently spread the mixture with a fork, until the shape desired (usually a 4" X 8" cracker, but can be round or other shapes as well). Microwave for 2.5 minutes or until cracker is solid.

Let cool.

Top with cream cheese, taco dip or anything you might be hankering for.

Makes one cracker.

http://www.examiner.com/low-carb-in-national/just-the-flax-ma-am

Tips: I reuse parchment paper to make more crackers.

The crackers store beautifully when loosely bagged, so you can make some for the road.



Nutritional information: Technically, this is almost 0 carbs per cracker due to fiber, but you should count it as 1, just to remind yourself that with great food comes great responsibility. Calories: 118, Carbohydrates: 8 g, Fiber: 7 g, Net Carbohydrates: 1 g, Protein: 4.5g, Fat: 8 g

Thanks to the very amazing megs for this recipe which has saved many a low-carber everywhere!

I want you to know, no matter how badly your dream or your heart feels shattered, know that in those shattered pieces, is where the most beautiful treasures are waiting to make your heart sparkle! Many times our hearts feel shattered, but in that broken-ness, just might be the sparkle to shine light on a new love, a new dream, a new hope.--K. Johnson

Mom's Bread Stuffing for Turkey

8-10 cups (about on loaf) dry bread cubes-break up bread the day before-bread shrinks as it dries)

Melt 1 stick margarine in a pan.
Cook until translucent 1/2 to 3/4 cup chopped onion

Add 1 1/2 c. chopped celery--cook a few minutes.
Add 1 can skimmed evap. milk

Add:
1 t. salt
1/2 t. poultry seasoning
1 T. sage
1/2 t. pepper

Pour on bread--if you need more moisture add a little broth*. The stuffing should be a little dry because it gets moist from the turkey.

* cook the giblets the night before. You can add chopped heart and gizzard to stuffing if you like. Also Chopped mushrooms. (I would not do this last bit, but put it in for those this would not totally gross out).

Steak Strips

3/4 to 1 pound round steak--trimmed. Freeze-when partially frozen-slice into this strips against the grain.

Sprinkle with 1/4 t. garlic powder. 2 T. lemon juice-let sit for 5 min. to tenderize. Add 3 T. soy sauce. Marinate 1 or more hours.

1 T. olive oil in fry pan. Cook and stir quickly.

Hot Crab Dip

3 oz. pkg cream cheese, softened
1/4 c. mayo
1 C. or 6 oz. of crabmeat, drained
1/4 c. minced onion
1 T. lemon juice
1/8 tsp. hot pepper sauce

Beat cream cheese until smooth. Stir in mayo, crabmeat, onion, lemon juice and hot pepper sauce. Mix well. Spoon into ovenproof dish and bake at 350 degrees fro thirty minutes. Makes one cup.

Gloria Wheaton
Rochester, NY